Saturday, December 4, 2010

find a way or make one

"Laughter and tears are both responses to frustration and exhaustion. I myself prefer to laugh, since there is less cleaning up to do afterward."
~ Kurt Vonnegut

Thursday and Friday taught me a lot. Scratch that - it's more like they smacked me over the head with things I already knew, but had been avoiding.

Thursday, I was exhausted and half-sick. And the day before. Most of this week actually. It's what happens when you combine 18 hour days and little sleep. Like 5-6 hours a night. I left my office Wednesday night about 10PM and crashed as soon as I got home. I slept for 12 hours, missing Thursday morning training at SICFIT Austin, and appointments I had later that morning. Decidedly NOT BUENO. I got up, still tired, ate a quick omelet and drank a cup of coffee, then sat down on the couch and opened up my laptop to check my emails. While my laptop was powering up, I put my head back and promptly fell back asleep... for over two hours. All I managed to do Thursday was go to my office and work.

Aside from the obvious - that this is no f**k!ng way to live - I've finally admitted to myself that by making my life like this, I'm holding myself back. It's impacting my professional life but most importantly, it's impacting my personal life. My career, my relationships, and my fitness are all suffering.

I've got to a point in my life where no one thing is a priority, and thereby everything has suffered.

I've not been giving my coaching the time and energy it deserves. My "day job" is suffering too. I'm tired all the time, to a point where I'm basically neglecting my personal life.

I'm pissed that I took this long to admit that I'm doing this to myself. The good news? I'm the one who got my life like this, so I can change it.

"Knowing is not enough; we must apply. Willing is not enough; we must do."
~ Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Thursday woke me up to patterns I developed in my life that I've been stuck in for several years, even before crossfit.

I know one thing, I'm finished living this way. It's been way too long since I've sat down and really looked at where I want my life to go, and what I want my life to be. So that's my new priority.

There is one other thing I know - once I've decided where I'm going - you better watch out 'cause nothing is going to stop me.

"Aut inveniam viam aut faciam."
Latin phrase meaning:
"I shall find a way or make one."

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